All things related to Day Vans, including Chevy, GMC, Dodge & Ford. Plus general chat!
 
HomeHome  CalendarCalendar  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  
October 2018
MonTueWedThuFriSatSun
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    
CalendarCalendar


Share | 
 

 British Humour

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
avatar
Woody
VIP
VIP

Location : West Sussex
Join date : 2011-10-28

Subject: British Humour   Tue Nov 22, 2011 6:19 am

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did...
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same caliber."
-----------------------------------------------------------
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend...
Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent,
Trustworthy, Sensible.
Or in other words........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain?
17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question, please."
-----------------------------------------------------------
On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakistanis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, Gypsies, loafers, smack-heads, and non-English speaking people" isn't the right answer.
They've sent my form back.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Some *******'s just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 clothes pins back.

Back to top Go down
 

British Humour

View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
AmericanDayVans :: Other :: Funnies-